Is this the biggest soap story since… well ever?

Actually hold that thought is it the biggest TV story – we asked who killed JR? And who shot Mister Burns? And now… who killed Archie Mitchell?

Everyone is talking about. Ever since the big EastEnders murder episode on Christmas day I have been going over and over the suspects in my head. Who had the strongest motive? Whose actions were most suspicious? Who was there at the scene of the crime? Who was missing a fake nail? I have trawled the internet looking at different theories, betting odds and cast interviews but to no avail, I am still no closer to knowing who clonked Archie on the head with the Queen Victoria bust that fateful day.

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Oh People! What is this…? We’ve got Jordan, Jodie Marsh, J Lo, Alica Keyes, Danielle Lloyd  and a whole host of others and what do they have in common? Yes, the hideous inability to wear a onesie with flair! In all honesty nobody should ever wear an all in one, but someone should have told them! Take a look for yourself! http://showbiz.sky.com/all-in-one-overload

Worst Dressed Celebs! Down With Onesies!

Katia Ivanova. So she’s 21. She’s highly skilled and talented… Oh wait- no, who is she? Yup- until this weekend I hardly knew.  Apparently, however, sleeping with 62 year old Rock Stars is a ticket to fame and fortune, ah well that’s nothing new! Yes she’s Ronnie Wood’s ex-girlfriend, not even current. I’m not sure Celebrity Big Brother can be called quite that, but then it never really is/was. We’ve got an ex-Hollywood Madam, who has plans to set up more brothels, a failing/failed ‘grime’ star(who has faced charges of  drunk and disorderly), two of Jordans exes,  a guy whose made his money by writing degrading songs about women, some page 3 models and an aggressive ex-football star. So at least three of these ‘stars’ are famous for sleeping with someone famous or more famous- two of them slept with the same woman… Fair play to CBB at least they’ve provided some equality, in that sense, and we don’t just portray money grabbing women, we’ve got money grabbing men too!

I think the nation, however, is far more excited about what Katia Ivanova has to say about our dear Ronnie Wood, mainly because I think everyone is bored of hearing about Jordan and also it’s the age old  ‘ewwww’ she’s a barely nubile, fresh young thing and he’s an old man. Do you really think it was true love? And if it wasn’t then how does she backtrack all those stories from last year about the feelings and the loving and the ‘special connection’ as spoken of in the News of the World: “Ronnie loves me and it’s not about money. I’m looking forward to a fresh start with him. It’s sad we’ve caused people pain. It’s hurt his family and my family too, but we’ve just fallen in love.”  So in love that it’s already over! Also another couple of choice facts about Katia Ivanova are: she thinks clowns look scary in the dark and if she could eat an extinct animal it would be a mammoth. True story.

Well at least this last Celebrity Big Brother promises to hold in store a lot of juicy gossip and considering almost half of these people have been arrested it may be interestingly volatile. A statement of the sadness of our times and our need voyeuristic pleasure derived from mocking failed ‘celebrities’?  Or is it just good telly? A little bit of both I’m afraid to say!

Katia Ivanova. She's very pretty and Ronnie Wood thought so too!