Family Guy Quotes

Family Guy Quotes are in my head all the time and at risk of making a fool of myself in public, I’ve decided to release my inner Griffin by sharing my favourite Family Guy Quotes with the community of Finger Jam. The post will feature quotes from all your favourite characters, enjoy! Any Family Guy Quotes you think should feature? Let us know by commenting at the bottom!

Family Guy Quotes – Peter Griffin

• Peter Griffin: [in Sunday School with several children during story time] And when you die, you go to a wonderful place called heaven
• [children gasp in delight, Peter starts laughing]
• Peter Griffin: Nah, I’m just jackin’ ya, you’ll all rot in the ground.
• [children look horrified]

• Lois Griffin: [talking to Chris] We’ll continue this discussion tonight, young man. A woman is not an object.
• Peter Griffin: She’s right, son. Listen to what it says.
• Lois Griffin: Peter!

• Peter Griffin: Brian, there’s a message in my Alpha Bits. It says “OOOOOO”.
• Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

• Peter Griffin: Huh, I didn’t know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
• Chris Griffin: You mean play the piano?
• Peter Griffin: No no, she… yeah

• Peter Griffin: Where am I gonna find a ringer as strong as Guillermo? One time, I walked into the locker room; I swear he was bench-pressing Mr. Weed

• Lois Griffin: Peter, it is 7 in the morning
• Peter Griffin: Thanks for the update Big Ben

• Lois Griffin: You’re drunk again
• Peter Griffin: No, I’m just exhausted from being up all night drinking

• Meg Griffin: You’re a smart fella Dad
• Peter Griffin: And you’re a fart-smeller Meg

• Peter Griffin: Lois, you know it’s illegal for a woman to drive.

• Peter Griffin: Whoa Whoa Whoa Lois this is not my batman glass.

• Chris Griffin: You only came here to get rid of your problems at home!
• Peter Griffin: What are you talking about? Meg is right here!

• Peter Griffin: Lois, men aren’t fat, only fat women are fat.

• Peter Griffin: Kick, Joe, kick!
• Lois Griffin: Peter, he’s a paraplegic.
• Peter Griffin: That doesn’t mean he can’t hear.

• Peter Griffin: Why are all these parallelograms here?
• Quagmire: You mean paraplegics?

Family Guy Quotes – Lois Griffin

• Lois Griffin: Meg, you’re a sweet, beautiful girl, he’ll come around.
• Meg Griffin: That’s such a mom answer.
• Lois Griffin: Well, have you tried showing him the goods? How’s that for a mom answer?
• Meg Griffin: Creepy

• Meg Griffin: Mom, have you ever felt not so fresh down there?
• Lois Griffin: No I haven’t and I don’t know any woman who has. There must be something wrong with you.

Family Guy Quotes – Chris Griffin

• Chris Griffin: See, my dad’s smarter than yours.
• Meg Griffin: We have the same dad, lardo.
• Chris Griffin: Yeah, but mine’s smarter.

• Meg Griffin: Chris, you’re hogging up all the fans.
• Chris Griffin: Well, you’re hogging up all the… ugly!

• Chris Griffin: I’m so hungry I could ride a horse. Wait I don’t get it. I’d ride it to the store I guess?

Family Guy Quotes – Stewie Griffin

• Little Girl: Ewww! Your breath smells like kitty litter!
• Stewie Griffin: I was curious!

• Lois Griffin: Stewie, why don’t you play in the other room?
• Stewie Griffin: Why don’t you burn in hell?

• Stewie Griffin: Who sings that song?
• Brian Griffin: James Taylor.
• Stewie Griffin: Yeah, let’s keep it that way

Other Family Guy Quotes

• Cleveland: [seven hookers are sitting in Cleveland's living room] Okay Peter, that’s it. You and five of those hookers get out

• Michael Jackson: The Kid in me likes the frosted side… But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.

• Stewie Griffin: Hey, this lemonade is great jillian.
• Jillian: Thanks, its such a shame we have to kill so many lemons to make it.

• Quagmire: Who would you have sex with Brian or meg?
• Peter: Ohhh I would defo choose brian Meg is ugly.
• Brian: What the f*ck?

• Meg Griffin: I love you Jesus.
• Jesus: I love you too fella.

Tags: Brian Griffin, Cleveland, Family Guy, Family Guy Quotes, Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin, Quagmire, quotes, Stewie Griffin
Posted in Humour, TV, Soaps and Gossip