By Princess Talalullah IX. Posted in Humour | No Comments »
Statistics show numbers are the best way to quantify things.
Figures released over night indicate that numbers are the best way of quantifying things. It has also been claimed that ‘Numbers’ could be held responsible for the current economic downturn and explain the recently announced non existence of God!
Numbers fell dramatically last night as 2 became 1 and 7 became 4, Simon Fuller the former Spice Girls and S Club 7 manager told the press “Well, we had actually predicted this trend back in 2000 with the hit single from the girls, plus we all know that S Club 7 only has 4 members”.
With the Globe £34 Trillion in debt, a number that no human could even count to, Gordon Brown blamed numbers for the terrible double dip recession currently shadowing the whole world economy, he told reporters “Well, what do you think the FTSE 100 is? Just numbers! The FTSE 500 is five times more too”.
In Stephen Hawkings’ controversial new book ‘Numbers are bigger than Jesus’, he states, “Numbers are ace! I use them all the time, sometimes to do small things like count change and sometimes to do big things like disproving God’s existence”.
Numbers became stable again this morning but president Obama was quick to warn that they could fluctuate at any time and indicated they could spark a ground invasion of Iran in the near future. Many fingers have been pointing the blame at Pythagoras, who has been accused of starting all this and then squaring it. Despite many attempts Finger Jam could not however contact the Greek mathematician to prove or disprove this theory.
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