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By Sam. Posted in Celebrity, Humour | 18 Comments »
By Sam. Posted in Celebrity, Humour | 18 Comments »
An Idiot Abroad: Karl Pilkington quotes are wisdom and comedy to behold in one go. Karl Pilkingtons’s Quotes from an Idiot Abroad are absolutely priceless.
Please add your favourites quotes in the comments section below.
Karl Pilkington Quotes On China:
- On the Great Wall – “You can see it for miles. Like, it goes over the hills and stuff ….but so does the M6″”
- “It’s really grey here in China. Not really worth having this in HD is it?”
- Pointing at a man walking down the street carrying a toilet seat. “Ergh you don’t want to see that, now all i can think about is him stopping to have a dump”
- Ricky: You are the strangest man on the planet. – Karl: You haven’t been to China.
Karl Pilkington Quotes On India:
- “The toilet is too far from the sink which isn’t what you need in India. Both are often required at the same time”
- In the Taj Mahal “This is where Diana had her photo taken when she was having her problems with Charlie. Everyone said this is why she looked so miserable, but to be honest I think she was just sick of being in India.”
- Still on Diana “If you’re having a low moment in your life, India isn’t a great place to come. I’d have suggested Center Parcs over this place”
Karl Pilkington Quotes On Petra in Jordan:
- “The only thing that would get on my nerves if I lived here (in a cave) is this sort of ‘open door policy’. Not having a door doesn’t help. Anyone you know could walk past and see that you’re in and keep nipping in”
- “I fell asleep watching Geckos run across the ceiling. Suppose that was one good thing with Artex – the sharpness kept the geckos out”
- “If Camels are the ship of the dessert, this one is the Titanic”
- Is that someone’s Goz?
- Congress Tart. Congress Tart.
Karl Pilkington Quotes On Mexico:
- “The Chichen Itza is just a pyramid with four sides, with stairs on each side leading to some kind of bungalow on the top.”
- “I was looking into it when I noticed I was surrounded by lizards. Big ones. I gave one of them a bit of a HobNob. It seemed to love it. It ended up eating two to itself. It’s odd to think the Mayans have probably never tried a Hobnob, yet this lizard had”
Karl Pilkington Quotes On The Pyramids in Egypt:
- Pointing at the Pyramids “It’s like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”
- “Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don’t see that in the brochures.”
- On the Museum of Cairo “It’s like my Aunt Nora’s house – too many ornaments”
- “Ricky loves sending me texts cos he know i have to pay for it, look this one just says ’70p’”
Karl Pilkington Quotes On Brazil:
- “I was woken around 3 a.m. by something outside. I thought it might have been someone trying to break in. It was a chicken. At two in the morning! What is a chicken doing awake at this hour?”
- “Even my ears are sweating”
- On the Statue of ‘Christ The Redeemer’ – “The only thing that didn’t look in proportion was his chin. He looked like Jimmy Hill!”
Karl Pilkington Quotes On Peru:
- Karl sees Dolphins in the amazon river – “People say Dolphins are intelligent and that but they’ve never done anything that have blown me away. They say I’m a div and Dolphins are intelligent…It just baffles me.”
- “No wonder there is 30 per cent less oxygen here. I think it’s due to all the tourists climbing this hill.”
Karl Pilkington Quotes – Coming Home
- I don’t know whether it was to put me off, but my Mum used to say, to be a Hells Angels you needed to shit in your pants, and not change it for a week.
- After My mum said that about the Hells Angels, my Dad said “Well Auntie Nora would easily pass the entrance test”
- I’ve heard that fact, that is you eat more than 6 bananas it will kill you
- I saw a bowl with 7 bananas in it, and i thought, that’s dangerous.
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October 11th, 2010 at 19:09
China Karl Pilkington Quote:
“It’s less of the ‘Great’ Wall of China, more The ‘Alright’ Wall of China”
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October 11th, 2010 at 19:14
In Israel when the terrorist squad capture Karl:
Terrorist “Who do you work for?”
Karl “Sky. I mean Sky1. No I mean Sky1 HD”
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October 15th, 2010 at 12:04
Karl Pilkington Quotes – Mexico:
“It’s an odd one, the Chichen Itza. It was a place built by the original Mayan people and was known for sacrifices (Elton John sang a song called ‘Sacrifice’ – maybe that’s why he’s playing here)
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October 15th, 2010 at 14:19
Easter….without the chocolate eggs its just…. y’know… Friday!!!
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October 15th, 2010 at 14:19
“Who’s in charge of health & Safety here??… I can see the bloke with one eye is in charge of making the fireworks, are you sure he’s the right person for the job??”
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October 15th, 2010 at 14:20
‘if they at least got a bloke with two eyes they’d look as if they’d made a effort!’
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October 15th, 2010 at 14:21
Best Karl quote throughout:
“I look like a right knobhead’
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October 16th, 2010 at 10:17
When Karl was asked by his taxi driver if his wife had a good body:
” Good body ?”….” Well yeh sort of , well she did have but sayin that I used to look better than this “
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October 16th, 2010 at 10:19
When Karl Pilkington was told that modern day Jesus’ get used to get nailed to crucifixes.
“What kind of nails would you use for hands?”
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October 28th, 2010 at 21:07
Karl Quotes Brazil:
“You only need seven mates in life. Snow White with her midgets had it sorted in one go”
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October 29th, 2010 at 16:32
“I need garlic, i need garlic. Is it in that fridge, or that fridge? No it’s in the corner on the floor next to the dead cockroach.”
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November 17th, 2010 at 11:37
Karl: I’ve seen knobs before.
Ricky: Have you?
Karl: Yeah.
Ricky: Where?
Karl: You see knobs all the time.
Ricky: Where?
Karl: In gyms and that. And don’t say you don’t look, ’cause you do when you’re in a gym. Because it’s there! If you don’t look, if you’re going like that, (looks at the ceiling) that’s more of a worry. If you’re not happy looking a knob in the face there’s something wrong.
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November 25th, 2010 at 21:44
Karl on the elephant babba ( coming home)
Karl:”you know i asked him all the usual questions, What you playing at”
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March 3rd, 2011 at 17:59
In Peru – on way to visit with the ex-canniblas
“This is proper innit? This is like proper tribe.”
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March 25th, 2011 at 23:46
A Karl Quote.
When he gets off the boat ready to meet the cannibals he slips on the mud:
“He saw me didn’t he? He saw me? What a bloody dickhead. I meet a cannibal and fall over”
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April 3rd, 2011 at 17:15
“I look like Andy Pandy on crack”
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July 10th, 2011 at 21:41
When in Rome I’m happy to try pasta. When in Egypt have a bollock for lunch!!!
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November 9th, 2011 at 02:20
Bollocks are squashed!
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