Finger Jam – Humour Blog

The iTunes Festival Line up means we’re all spoilt for choice and it’s grand. Performances include the tobacco industry’s most famous endorser* – Adele, the seemingly/ unfortunately immortal – Manic Street Preachers and those cheeky northerners – The Artic Monkeys.

Read more »

It has been revealed that the whole British public regret what they said about injunctions and they really don’t want to hear any more private gossip about any footballers or their families.

With a 19th consecutive story about Ryan Giggs, his brother, his brother’s landlord, the landlord’s sister, the sister’s nanny and the nanny’s recent holiday to Magaluf in The Sun today, The British public has decided that it probably protested too much before and rich people can do what the hell they want and get High Court Judges to keep it private.

Read more »

It has been revealed that a man has had a stroke whilst watching the women’s beach volleyball tournament in Brighton, England.

The man, a Mr Barry Whitehead who was in his 50s was reported to be acting normally up until the half-way point of the first set. The game, Brazil versus Ukraine was hotting up and tension was mounting. It was at the point of Maria Hanendez’s serve that the man began to shift uncomfortably in his seat and it is then that he had the stroke.

Read more »

Apprentice Quotes are comedy gold. Every week this series The “entrepreneurs” tell us why they should win The Apprentice and give us such great one liners such as “My first word wasn’t mummy, it was money”. These funny quotes from the Apprentice are always filled with self-congratulatory misguidance and ridiculous puns, and 2011 Apprentice Quotes are no different. Will any of this year’s Apprentice contestants beat Stuart Baggs? Melody Hossaini or Vincent Disneur might. 

Read more »

As morning broke, British destroyers approached the North Sea Coast of Denmark fully armed and primed for battle. Amongst the war hungry fleet were Destroyers HMS Dauntless, HMS Daring and HMS Manchester, waiting for the call from the Prime Minister to enter battle and obliterate Denmark and push over Legoland.

Just hours before, Denmark was considered a stable, friendly state and one that Britain would even call a friend. Previously economists would aspire to be like the friendly scandinavians and liberal democrats hanker at their convivial ways. That was before the Danish turned into seemingly psychopathic fascists by banning marmite from the shelves of its stores.

Read more »

The British law courts have acted to put an end to the use of Twitter to reveal any Court orders and injunctions by giving access to secret records to all Twitter users and editors.

The Lord Chief justice has said “Nowadays everyone is an editor, so we will need to make these private injunctions available to every blogger, twitter user and newspaper editors. Therefore in future, people won’t mistakenly tweet about something that is illegal, without realising it.”

Read more »

A Grown man is able to name all the characters In the toddler BBC series In The Night Garden it has been revealed.

In front of a packed press room, Keith Trolley, a 33 year old Marketing manager from Basingstoke told us that he knows all the characters of In The Night Garden off by heart, and was prepared to prove it in front of the national press.

Read more »

Breaking News: DJ Ironik has been selected by the UK Spelling team to appear at the World Spelling Championships in Las Vegas later this year. The Hip Hop and grime DJ is said to be exultant, blithesome and feeling very propitious.

Gabriella Pasqualotto a Cheerleader from South Africa, who cheerleads in the Indian Premier League for cricket (IPL) secretly wrote in her blog, that she is treated “like meat” in her day job. Also “all eyes are on you all the time; it is complete voyeurism” said the Cheerleader who wears a boob-tube and ra-ra dress for the Mumbai Indian cheerleading team in front of 50,000 screaming fans.

Read more »

Breaking News: Financial experts have slammed the Mythical King Midas for having “Little” and a “very basic” understanding of economics.
“He really seemed to know very little about the very basic fundamentals of supply and demand in economics” Said Basil Spaniel, Head of Fiscal Studies at the University of Wessex.

Read more »